Top Ten Reasons Magicians Try to Never Marry a Mermaid

10. Because your master, Franz Bardon, warns you to never marry a mermaid. She will be so much a part of you--her love so perfect--that you will lose all desire to follow your path to perfection.

(This warning does not apply if the student has previously mastered the fifth element of akasha or the cosmic letter M).

9. It is annoying that she tells you who you will meet in the future; and also she keeps passing you messages from anyone you ever knew who is now dead.

8. When you walk through a shopping mall, people of both genders stop and watch her walk by and if you sit down little children will come up and stare at her.

7. She does not really sleep at night. She is fully awake in her dreams visiting people in various parts of the earth or talking to others in their dreams. Then when she runs into her friends during the day they go on with the same conversation they had while asleep.

6. She keeps telling you about your other self who she meets on the astral plane which is the real you--the one you become when you are in-between incarnations.

5. You can’t get over feeling annoyed that if the two of you parted, she would not miss you. She would move on to whatever is next in her life. Though totally loving, she does not need you or anyone. She always feels complete.

(does not apply if she is a professional actress-since she can convince you she “needs“ you by creating subtext through her skills in body language)

4. If she is suddenly startled, electrical devices including computers turn on or off or small objects move about. And then in an emergency she is physically stronger than you; and can “slow time”--move quickly across a small space in ways which are humanly impossible. And furthermore, her built in and automatic truth detector is annoying--she gets goose bumps all over which confirms to her with totally accuracy when something is true or right.

3. That she can read minds and plant ideas in others thoughts to get them to stop their bad habits when you do not have the same ability.

2. It is annoying that she never has a bad day. She is never impatient, never complains, never feels guilt or shame, is never mean, and never loses her innocence.

1. That when you hold her in your arms you sometimes cry because you hear the songs the sea sings at night which are unbearably sweet.